Friday, January 12, 2007

In which I'm back, and I'm thoroughly terrified...

One of my coworkers had a baby a few months ago, and now she's back at work. She's recorded a 3-second clip of her son laughing, and is using it as her cellphone ringtone.

I'm sure this sounded like a cute idea at the time, but in practice it's just the creepiest thing I've ever heard. She consistently leaves her cellphone unattended in our shared office, and so, several times a day, a rapidly repeating clip of disembodied infant laughter emerges from her backpack, or her desk, or elsewhere. It's very unsettling.

In other news, Chiang Mai has been entirely spared the moderate confusion unfolding in Bangkok over the last couple of weeks. Things are tranquil here... perhaps overly so. More to follow...

Saturday, December 23, 2006

In which I can't stop watching the Daily Show...

I continue to find this lovely clip profoundly cathartic...

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

In which I go on hiatus...

Sorry folks, I'm going dark for a couple of weeks. I'm home for the holidays, and some other serious stuff's come up very quickly, so I won't have much opportunity to blog. You'll hear from me (at the latest) when I go back to Thailand in three weeks.

Happy Holidays!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

In which I offer a Thailand fun fact...

Thailand is sufficiently enamoured of tourists that the government actually throws festivals to commemorate their arrival. I'm not kidding: right now, the market district of Chiang Mai is in the throes of "Chiang Mai Mardi Gras: Celebrating the Start of the Tourist Season".

This is a very unusual country.

In other news, after a night spent in a hotel room whose comfort level and price displayed no correlation whatsoever to each other (take that as you will), I made it back into my apartment Wednesday morning. I'm astonished that an apartment complex that houses closes to a thousand people has no way of accomodating someone who lost their keys after 6:30 PM. Between that and the decrepit internet access, I'm looking for a snazzier place to live.

Meanwhile, I'm thoroughly occupied this week, teaching a 1-week course into which I am apparently to condense a comprehensive education on Economics, Globalization, and Natural Resources. Ummm... the odds ain't good. But it will at the very least wreak havoc on my blogging schedule. Moreover, I'll be well and truly too busy to notice the passage of the final days before my Christmas vacation. Ye gods, I'm excited to visit home.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

In which I confess some foolishness...

Tonight you were supposed to get a bonanza post about the King of Thailand's birthday, as well as my attempts to suss out how the odd Thai calendar works.

Yet I, in my infinite wisdom, have locked myself out of my apartment, and will be spending my evening dealing with that instead. I've exiled myself from my phone, my computer, and the key to my bike lock, hobbling myself rather effectively. I can't remembered the last time I so profoundly inconvenienced myself with so little effort... I'm actually a little proud of myself. Thank Vishnu for the glory of internet cafes.

So instead of learning about the grand festival of idolatry known as the King's Birthday, you'll ponder the transpirings of the evening as I try to track down someone who can open my apartment. Leaven your terror and worry with the knowledge that I played my first full soccer game ever today. The other team was distinctly unnerved by my unorthodox yet wildly inventive strategy of scoring on my own goal, and yet more confused by my curious inattentiveness once my team tethered me to my goalposts in the curious hope that I'd do less harm as goalie. In fact, our opponents were so disoriented by my brilliantly innovative gameplay that we actually won, a victory for which I claim full credit.

OK, back to cajoling the obnoxious little man who manages my apartment. You'll hear more soon... and if I don't come back, avenge my death!

Monday, December 04, 2006

In which I promise to reutrn to Thailand-specific blogging within a few hours...

But first!

Wal-Mart has announced that it is saying "thank you" to its employees for tolerating recent wage caps, enforced graveyard shifts, and other indignities.

Chief among the new perks will be a "special polo shirt" for associates who have served Wal-Mart for more than 20 years.

On one level, this is brilliant PR by Wal-Mart. After all, it's completely immune to satire - I've been staring at the page for 10 minutes trying to think of a snarky comment that doesn't sound blindingly obvious and therefore infantile. I've thus far failed miserably, and as such I give congratulations to Wal-Mart's marketing monkeys - well done, guys!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

In which I explore another of Thailand's nifty qualities, though unfortunately through the dull eyes of an economist... (Sorry for the wonkery - you've been warned!)

One of the finer joys of living in this delightful corner of Southeast Asia is the sparkling range of options opened up by the rock-bottom cost of living. I'll talk about these in a sec, but first you'll have to either slog or scroll through some amateur financial analysis. Though comparable in wealth to Costa Rica, and a hefty notch up the GDP ladder from Botswana, I've found that Thailand is dramatically cheaper than either of them - especially dear extortionate Bots. It would take a better (and better-paid) economist than I to fully suss out the reasons for this, but my theory is something along these lines.

Botswana has such dramatic income inequality that the country is cleanly bisected into two parallel economies, predictably assigned to the haves and the have-nots (Costa Rica, much less so). The middle class is virtually non-existent: either you share a standpipe with a hundred other people, or you have a swimming pool all to yourself. Those on the bottom rungs don't starve or lack for education - a major improvement from many of Botswana's African neighbours - but they eat a diet of dirt-cheap maize meal and beef stew, and live in phenomenally modest housing. The other 15%, by contrast, live unsurprisingly comfortable lives, with precisely the price tag you'd expect. As a result, a slightly-paid intern like myself ended up paying five hundred dollars a month to share a single-level house with 4 other people, since the alternative was to pay $15 for an unlit room in an airless shack. There was no middle ground.

But here in Thailand I live at least as comfortably as I did in Botswana, for a fraction of the price. My apartment costs less than half of what it did in Bots, and I eat out constantly for a quarter of the price I paid in Africa - even at the roadside food stalls. I suppose that Thailand, vast income disparities notwithstanding, has enough of a middle class to sustain modestly priced accomodation, restaurants, and services. A proper full-spectrum economy exists, with survivable lifestyles available to everyone from the just-a-notch-above-rock-bottom poor to the unimaginably wealthy. The numberless hordes of Western budget backpackers further motivate Thailand's fiercely competitive entrepreneurs to provide modest-yet-appealing amenities.

But (and here's the thought that launched this heretofore dull post in the first place) the really interesting thing isn't living well enough for dirt cheap - it's discovering how far money can go when one is willing to splurge a little. Case in point: I could get a haircut for a dollar or two here, and probably go home no more miserable about the result than I usually am after a haircut (which, for the record, is moderately so). But at the franchised (and ludicrously overstaffed) hair joint at the corner of my street, I paid a locally exorbitant fee just to see how far my money can go - and received the most ludicrously luxurious haircut experience imaginable.

If I recall correctly (I may have blacked out somewhat) I received 3 absurdly meticulous rounds of shampooing, followed by a 20-minute scalp massage. The haircut itself took place in the world's most comfortable barber's chair, while an attendant constantly provided my choice of an immense variety of complimentary beverages and a broad selection of German-language magazines (well, hey, nothing's perfect). Afterwards, another round of shampooing and brain massage completed the hour-or-so long experience. The price tag for this little slice of haircut heaven? A sky-high seven dollars.

And this situation crops up nearly everywhere else in Thailand. Those willing to pay something closer to Western prices find unimaginable luxury. Example number two: the movie theatres here are modern and well-equipped, on a par with those at home. A standard evening ticket costs 90 baht - about $2.50 Canadian. Yet the lucky cinephile willing to pay a Canadian-style price - in this case, 14 dollars - enjoys the "Emperor Class" experience - a private viewing room with luxury recliners, an immaculate personal washroom, and hyper-attentive table service. Of course, I have yet to justify such an expense, but I'm sure as hell going to try it before I leave.

The bottom line - you can live comfortably in Thailand for peanuts, or you can live like a wayward Saudi Prince for a few dollars more. Either way, it's hard to go wrong here - and illuminates yet another reason why so many western visitors to Thailand find it hard to leave again.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

In which I muse droolingly about the foods I must eat when I land in Vancouver...

Thai food is delicious and healthy, and apparently there's a wealth of various European restaurants on offer in Chiang Mai that I have yet to sample. There's no lack of variety here if one is willing to pony up the cash, and restaurants are truly everywhere, on every street corner and hidden in every alleyway nook. I'll never starve here.

But the novelty of daily pad thai and moo ga-tiam is rapidly fading, and even the beloved khao soy curry noodle soup is wearing slightly thin. My first attempt to get an honest sit-down, non-McD's hamburger ended with me accidentally eating a live earwig (I think) and somewhat soured me on what I'm told is otherwise told is Chiang Mai's best burger joint. So I found myself idly drafting (as oft occurs when I travel) a list of foods I miss terribly, and upon which I will gorge myself within moments of my holiday return.

An honest-to-God gigantic barbecued hamburger. Even the famed burger restaurants here, high earwig content notwithstanding, are sunk by their insistence on frying burgers. Yuck.

Sushi! Of course. Chiang Mai's well inland, and I've thus dodged the seamy-looking sushi joint in the mall next door to me.

A gargantuan slab of steak. Surely available here, but not at any of the micro-budget restaurants I frequent...

Anything from Simba's. The less bloodthirsty East African spices seem like a mild daydream compared to the vicious Thai peppers.

Tacos. Definitely tacos. Apparently there's a great Mexican restaurant around here somewhere, but I have yet to find it.

A proper Reuben sandwich - smoked beef is an unheard-of concept in Northern Thailand. The simply astonishing number of New Yorkers I've met here all seem to share this hankering.

A Nanaimo bar and a Timmy's donut. Speaks for itself.

Beef shawerma from the Babylon Cafe on Robson.

Mango ice cream from Mondo Gelato - if there's a real ice cream shop here, I haven't found it.

A Caesar! Duh.

Uncle Fatih's 99 cent pizza, a Vancouver institution I only discovered days before my September departure, to my lasting shame.

My trademark panang curry. It seems odd be salivating over a Thai curry, but I haven't been able to find the stuff here, so I'll have to make it up at home. In fact, I think I'm mostly looking forward to making a meal of my own - a grievous sin forbidden in my current apartment. I've eaten out for every meal (aside from breakfast cereal) in the last three months, and a self-cooked feast is something I sincerely miss. Methinks I'll need a new apartment soon.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

In which I plead forgiveness...

Sorry, folks, school's been consuming my life since last Monday. You'll hear more, including a return to the fun and hilarity you've come to expect, at the end of the week.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

In which I offer the week's best YouTube!

Monday, November 13, 2006

In which I whine...

Ever have a day when having a good book to read is the only thing that keeps you sane?

Thursday, November 09, 2006

In which I recount at last the glory of Loi Krathong...

I don't think I've seen any stars in my time in Chiang Mai. The particular Thai predilection for neon and other luminous signage hides the heavens very effectively within the city, and I have yet to spend an evening outside Chiang Mai. I hadn't thought about this much since I arrived.

But I suspect this only amplified my joy and wonder on Saturday night, when I looked up from the center of the city to see the sky lit by hundreds of red and yellow stars, like newborn constellations rising slowly and shrinking into sharp points thousands of feet above my head. One of the greatest joys of Loi Krathong, the Thai Festival of light, is that countless thousands of people light crude but effective balloon lamps - huge paper bags with rings of paraffin anchored to the bottom - and set them adrift over the city. I stood at the edge of the Mae Nam Ping river, the calm eye to Loi Krathong's frenetic hurricane, and watched while pyrotechnics exploded from every corner of Chiang Mai. Individually, the lanterns are pretty - and great fun to set loose. But when viewed by the hundreds across the great sweep of the city, the effect is beyond magical. It's one of the most beautiful things I've seen.

It's also next to impossible to photograph, at least with the unimpressive alchemy of my reasonably-priced camera and my modest photographic skills. My attempts to capture the actual flying lanterns turned out underwhelming at best, so I'll keep them to myself. But by way of compensation, here's a photo of some locals cheerfully lighting their own lantern - it really is a group effort with several people holding the contraption inflated while the paraffin heats, so that it doesn't collapse on itself and immolate.

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A bit of background - cheerfully offered by the tiny, effervescent woman from whom I bought my krathong. Loi Krathong is takes place on the weekend nearest the full moon of the twelfth lunar month, usually in early November. People purchase wondrously decorated banana leaf rafts called krathongs - about eight inches across and festooned with flowers, candles, and incense - and float them down the river, ideally along with their sins and misfortune. The effect it to fill much of the massive, leisurely river with thousands drifting stars, mirroring the glorious canopy of lanterns above.

This is a ritual of apology to the river goddess Khongkha, and it has been incorporated into the near-universal Theraveda Buddhist rites observed in Thailand.
Naturally, though of indeterminate spirituality myself, I suppose everyone can do with a little expunging of sins from time to time. So here I hoist my krathong - which is truly much nicer than most of the other kratongs, particularly according to the lady who sold it to me.

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And, here's the same krathong (far left) enjoying its journey down the Mae Nam Ping...

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Loi Krathong has three nights, by the way, Saturday through Monday. Saturday was the glorious yet occasionally tranquil celebration of fire and good cheer I mention above. I sat with new friends (some NGO workers, and some people I met on the songthaew) in the delightful Riverside Restaurant for several hours, indulging in curious food and plentiful cocktails, enjoying the fine conversation and the omnipresent pyrotechnics. In fact, here's an unexceptionable but rather attractive (dont'cha think?) photo of me in that very milieu:

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Sunday, the festival's centrepiece was a city-wide epileptic fit of bad manners and worse judgment - particularly as regards appropriate places to fling military-grade firecrackers. But there's still much fun to be had. I lit a lantern of my own, for example, and after a long and worrisome pause it finally took hesitant flight (photo to come soon). I set free the above-described krathong, and I witnessed the fascinating and somewhat oddly-textured parade that wends through east Chiang Mai in the final nights. Witness, for example, a robotic elephant:

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Followed shortly by someone apparently associated with the Royal Family:

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Try as I did, I couldn't find a unifying theme to this parade - except of course, Thai-ness. In fact, that Thai-ness was the most fascinating thing about the festival. The Thais, their habit of applauding military coups notwithstanding, love their country and culture with a pride bordering on jingoism. It's not abrasive (not yet, anyway), just interesting to watch, and it seems to have bestowed a curious sort of cultural resilience to Thailand. Foreign tourists are everywhere, and Loi Krathong was particularly clogged with them (us?), but somehow the festival, for all its noise and pomp and commerce, still struck me as remarkably, authentically Thai. There was no denying that Loi Krathong was for the Thais, and we farang, for all the fun we had, were just welcome visitors - the festival wasn't held for our benefit at all. This may sound mundane, but if you've seen the gravitational effect that heavy tourist traffic tends to have on local rites around the world, it's remarkable. Usually, through no deliberate effort on anyone's part, the locus of major events shifts to tourists, simply because that's where the money is.

Yet while there was no shortage of merchants hawking unidentified goods in fractured English, I didn't sense even a hint of pandering in the entire event. Thailand is large enough, populous enough, wealthy enough and has a rich enough tradition to support its own complete culture without necessary resort to foreign influence - a luxury few developing countries are able (or willing) to afford. It's a refreshing thing, and I'm beginning to expect (cautiously) that this integrity across Thailand (with the likely exception of the backpacker oases of the far south). I look forward to finding out.

Loi Krathong, of course, made a stunning place to start. I've decided, my ongoing adventures with Photoshop notwithstanding, that it's perhaps not meant to be photographed. Like Victoria Falls, which I found similarly confounds photography, it can only really be understood in person. If you want to know what I mean, you know where to find out. I promise you, it'll be worth the trip.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

In which I'm in awe...

Bottle rockets are detonating outside my window, the smallest audible sign of the astonishing, heartbreakingly beautiful Loy Krathong Festival of Light underway in Chiang Mai. I've spent the last two nights there, and I've seen some of the most gorgeous sights imaginable.

Not sure what I'm talking about? Worry not, all will be discussed in detail tomorrow. By virtue of being a nighttime light festival, Luy Krathong is virtually unphotographeable, at least with my camera, but I'll see if I can learn how to use Photoshop to massage some underexposed frames into coherence.

Much more detail to come... but I've got to go to bed. My eyes are a touch bleary from staring skyward for the last two days... oh, but what fun it's been.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

In which I wish all a Happy Hallowe'en

The day came and went with little fanfare here, save for a modest but quite entertaining party for my students. Oh, how I do look forward to my next full-blown Hallowe'en... next year, perhaps.

Anybody get up to anything really exciting?

Monday, October 30, 2006

In which I revert briefly to my wonkish academic self...

Here's a great article from the New York Times Magazine on the progressive weakening of Islamic legal standards prohibiting the killing of noncombatants, and the implications thereof for an Iranian nuclear bomb. It combines two of my great academic loves, terrorism and nuclear non-proliferation, so it surely holds more fascination for me than for most others. But if it's your cup of cocoa, I highly recommend giving it a read.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

In which I offer a minor cultural tidbit...

In most Southeast Asian languages, polite speaking requires that you put an honorific at the end of many phrases, which depends only on the sex of the speaker. For example, in Thai, a man would say "Thank you, krep" and a woman "Thank you, kaa" - regardless of who's listening.

Now that they're learning English, my most scrupulously polite students have carried this habit with them into their new language. As a result, many male students are refering to everyone as "Sir" - both male and female. The female students, predictably, are calling everyone "Ma'am" with a similar disregard for the sex of the listener.

It is proving very difficult to break them of this habit.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

In which I celebrate...

I got a 92 on my thesis! Joy!

Now I am the proud owner of a Master of Arts (with "Distinction") in International Peace Studies. Yay me!

I have successfully completed the UPeace chapter of my life - now make a go of the Thailand chapter.

Moreover, now I must see if I can chisel my thesis into publishable (and comprehensible) portions. I'm fairly certain that the fine oflks in my department gave me the grade at last because they couldn't stand to read the damn thing again...

Sunday, October 22, 2006

In which I respond to emails both concerned and curious...

Fear not, all my bits are still attached. After my menacing post a few days back - which I feel adequately conveyed my then-foul mood at Thai traffic - several kindly folks feared that something worse than ill temper had befallen me, and emailed inquiries of worry. All's well - in fact, I have yet to so much as skin a knee in Thailand, despite the abundant foolishness of buying a bicycle rather than add to the ubiquitous throng of motor scooters.

Yet my good health is no thanks to Thai drivers (expect undue generalizations to follow), whose contagious friendliness and impeccable manners elsewhere in life is not carried with them onto the pavement. Mistake me not, Thailand has far from the worst traffic I've seen. It's certainly a step up from Egypt, where the rules of the road were mere formalities except when (literally) clarified by the barrel of an AK47. It's thankfully not Botswana, where the generally sparse traffic was made occasional nightmare by the fact that many locals considered drunk driving a legitimate competitive sport. And the modern, well-maintained road surface is a world away from the disintegrating asphalt that rattled my skull in Costa Rica or (shudder) Mozambique.

By these measures, this seething stew of cars, trucks, scooters, tuk-tuks and the damnable song-taew minibuses seems almost... civilized. In fact, Chiang Mai drivers actually obey stoplights and even use their turn signals from time to time - treasured luxuries for a jaded developing-world pedestrian such as myself. Nor are their technical skills sub-par. Thai drivers display preternatural reflexes and a surgical talent for threading their varied vehicles through whatever minute pore has opened in the motorized pandemonium.

But they marry these individually laudable traits to a white-knuckled appetite for relativistic speeds and all the high regard for personal space you'd expect from an ecstasy-popping labrador retriever. The result is a weaving, careening body vehicular in which lane boundaries frequently disappear and scooters are ever shrieking through the capillary-like spaces between the cars. No inch of roadspace is wasted. In the midst of all this, for a half hour each morning and each afternoon, is wee me on my silly farang bicycle.

I've long since imprinted to the drive-on-the-left customs of Thai traffic. I hug the outer left edge of the road whenever vaguely possible, and I've gotten quite adept at spotting the viable gaps in traffic for that bewildering odyssey known as crossing a street. But no amount of road sense could adequately prepare me for drivers who think a thumbs-breadth is adequate clearance when they zip by at 100 km/h. Much less was I ready for the ultimate traffic nightmare - scooter and tuk-tuk drivers who hurtle directly at me in the wrong direction while I naively cling to belief that as long as I remain in my left-hand scooter lane, no harm can befall me. With only a "what the hell is your problem" stare betraying their intentions, these drivers, a dozen a day at least, prefer to pass a block or five the wrong way to the (admitted) conundrum of crossing the street and driving the non-insane way.

The end result? I've been run off the road (though thankfully never off my bike) a handful of times in the last week, and never once has it brightened my day. I'm glad I ignored CUSO's absurd penny-pinching strictures and bought a $400 bike that can handle being occasionally thrust over broken pavement or outright grassland. I'm sure that decision has saved me much heartbreak.

And how now do I cope? Mainly (and counterintuitively) by going faster and riding far more aggressively than I would have dared back home. If I can keep up with the scooters, I seem to earn their grudging respect, and I can apparently outwit the cars by more boldly (yet carefully - don't worry, Mom!) exploiting the gaps therebetween. I spent the day riding this way through the worst of downtown Chiang Mai, and felt safer than I have all week. I'll get the hang of this yet... and, with any luck, I'll still have all my fingers when I'm done!

PS - Chiang Mai, though lovely and welcoming, is surely the most pedestrian-unfriendly city I've ever seen... more on that to come.

Friday, October 20, 2006

In which I follow up...

... on something other than the traffic.

Looks Like the North Korean nuke was the real thing... though I'm astonished that they managed such a minute yield yet still had a nuclear detonation. Usually if a plutonium bomb fizzles, the surrounding explosive triggers blast it to smithereens before any criticality occurs (as I recall, anyhow).

Whatever the technical details, this is by far the very best take on it I've seen.

(Seems almost too easy to link to The Onion - as though I should feel guilty for discovering such wit and wisdom online with so little effort).

More to come on the bicycle life here...

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Paul's number one rule about riding a bike in Thailand:

Don't.